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This memorial website was created in the memory of our beautiful daughter, Laney Grace Wagner, who was born on December 03, 2005 and went to be with Jesus on December 05, 2005 . We will remember her forever.
Please light a candle, so we'll know you've visited!
Watch Laney's Video Montage
 Happy 6th Birthday, to our precious Laney Grace!
"I Will Carry You" by Selah
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
[Chorus]
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
Written on February 16, 2006
The story of Laney Grace....where do I even begin? I think I need to start from the very beginning to explain how much we wanted Laney.
Jay and I started dating in high school 14 years ago, and we’ve been together ever since. Wow, that’s a long time! I was only 17, but I always knew I’d marry Jay. We went to college together (War Eagle!!), and were married on September 5, 1998. We moved to Arab, and after a year of marriage, we decided we were ready for children. It took 14 long months to get pregnant, but finally, in January 2001, we learned that we were having a baby! Cody Matthew was born on August 24, 2001. He was absolutely perfect, and the best thing that ever happened to us. When Cody was almost 2, we decided that we wanted another child. So, the long journey began. It took one frustrating year and fertility drugs, but in May 2004, I got pregnant. But 3 days later, we learned that I had an ectopic pregnancy. After a few months, I went back on the fertility medicine and we started some fertility procedures. In October 2004, I got pregnant again. But 3 days later, I had a miscarriage. We waited a few more months, and decided we were ready to see a fertility specialist in April 2005. He scheduled some tests, but we didn’t get the chance to have them done. You see, that month, with no drugs and no procedures, Laney was conceived. She was a miracle baby from the very beginning. We had waited so long, and we were ecstatic. We didn’t tell anyone for a while, because we were so scared from our previous losses. But everything was going perfect, and we were finally able to share the news when I was about 10 weeks pregnant.
Cody was so excited. He said from the very beginning that he was having a sister. On August 9th, we had our ultrasound. Cody was right. We were having a baby girl! My pregnancy went very smoothly until about 24 weeks. Laney had been a very active baby, but one day her movements practically stopped. I went to the doctor, and they said everything was fine. Her heart rate was 150…just perfect. Anyone who knows me will not be surprised that I did a LOT of research on why her movements decreased. One thing I read will haunt me forever. It said, “Sick babies don’t move.” Even though my doctor said she was fine, that stayed with me my entire pregnancy. I want everyone to know that there was no way my doctor could have known of Laney's illness. Even an amnio would not have detected it, because no one had any idea what to look for. He is a wonderful doctor and took great care of all of us. During the rest of my pregnancy, people always tried to feel her move. Especially my sister, Ashley. She poked at Laney all the time! But the only people who ever felt her move were Jay and Cody. She just didn’t move much, and I tried not to worry.
Around 30 weeks, I started to feel like I could go into labor at any time. I remember telling Jay that I was going to go early. It wasn’t that “I’m miserable and I can’t last another day feeling.” It was a “something’s not right feeling.” People always say trust your instincts. Well, my motherly instincts told me my baby was sick.
At 34 weeks, I started having signs of labor. I went to the doctor and I was having contractions and dilated to 2. Dr. Cimino wasn’t worried. I was 34 weeks, so she should be fine, although he hoped I could make it to 36 weeks.
I had a baby shower at work on Friday December 2nd. I was 35 weeks pregnant. I was feeling terrible, and I had been having contractions all day. When I got home, we put up the Christmas tree. I started having some hard contractions, so I sat down to rest. We were supposed to have maternity and Christmas pictures made on Sunday. I remember thinking “I’ve got to make it until Sunday.” You know how I am about my pictures!! We went to bed, but I woke up at 10:45 when my water broke. We were finally going to meet our daughter!
When we got to the hospital, Laney’s heart rate was very low. They found out she was breach, and I would need a c-section. I was a little upset, but would do whatever it took for a healthy baby.
The rest is almost a blur. I remember being in the OR. I remember hearing her beautiful cry. For a moment….just for a short moment, I was happier than I’ve ever been. Unfortunately, that moment was far too short. We immediately learned she was very sick. The doctor said, “Mom, Dad…this baby’s got big problems.” Those words echo in my head every single day. Jay saw her and started crying hysterically. I heard the doctors and nurses crying also. I knew then that my baby would die. The doctor let me see her for a second, and that’s all I remember until the next day.
The next morning, we learned that Laney had a rare genetic skin disease called Harlequin Ichthyosis (HI). There are only about 100 reported cases in the ENTIRE WORLD. It’s an autosomal recessive genetic disease, which means that Jay and I are both carriers, and we both passed on this horrible gene to our beautiful baby girl. She had it from the moment she was conceived, and there was absolutely nothing that could be done. HI makes the skin very hard, and it restricts the baby’s movements. Thus explains the decrease in movement. I told you….mothers always know. She fought so hard to live. Jay says she was stubborn like me! But her fragile little body just wasn’t strong enough. At 11:50 a.m. on December 5th, we said goodbye to our daughter.
We miss her more than words can express. There are holes in our hearts that will never be filled, but I thank God for the two days we had with her. Jay said "She touched more lives in 2 days than I have in 30 years." She certainly did. She was a miracle indeed.
Laney Grace, we love you! Someday, we'll hold you again in Heaven.
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Happy 6th Birthday, Laney!
Hi baby girl. Every year, it just seems unreal that we've spent another year without you. Six years old. I can hardly believe it's been 6 years since I held you, heard you cry, and watched your teeny tiny little feet tapping on your bed. It's been a long road, but I finally have moments that I think of you with joy and happiness instead of always thinking of that awful disease.
You were born on a Saturday, and today, your 6th birthday is on a Saturday, too. When I think about waking up that morning 6 years ago, it really makes me sick. I was devastated and hopeless. Today, even though your loss still feels tremendous and overwhelming, I feel joy and hope. I remember a sermon that was on joy. He said that joy doesn't necessarily mean that you are always happy and never hurting. It's choosing to feel happy with what we have despite the trials and sadness we face. As I type, I feel tiny little flutters from your new baby sister. Who would have thought that, Laney?? We already have your precious brother and sister, and now we get the privilege of having another sweet baby girl. I choose joy. I feel joy, even through this sea of tears, and I know you would want that. And I have hope. Because I know I will see you again.
Lily wants to make chocolate cupcakes for you today. That makes my heart happy (and my stomach, too :)) Happy 6th Birthday, Laney Grace! I love you and miss you to Heaven and back.
Love,
Mommy |
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8/13/11 Kindergarten
Monday, August 15th should be my daughter's first day of Kindergarten. I knew when she died that there would be certain milestones that were harder than others. I knew Kindergarten would be one of them. Many important milestones cannot be marked by a specific date. For instance, we will never know when she would have gotten married or had children of her own. But her first day of Kindergarten....Monday, August 15, 2011 at Arab Primary School. Only it won't be.
This has been bothering for many months. It started back in April when they put the sign up--"Now registering for Kindergarten." They left it there until a few weeks ago when they replaced it with "School starts August 15th." I had to drive by it every day and see it. During baseball season Lily met a sweet little girl that is the sister of one of Cody's teammates. The first night we met them her mother told us they had registered her for Kindergarten that day. Knife in heart. I asked about her birthday. November. Only one month older than Laney. A living example of what my daughter would be like. I watched Lily play with her all season and wondered what it would be like to have two little girls here with me.
For the past few weeks everyone has had school on the brain. Everyone's talking about which teachers their children will get, school supplies, school clothes shopping, etc.
I won't school shop with Laney. I won't help her pick out the perfect backpack and lunchbox. I won't know if she would want a peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch EVERY.SINGLE.DAY like her big brother. I won't buy that adorable shirt I saw that said "Kindergarten Rocks!" And on Monday I won't be crying with the other parents because their children are starting school. I will be crying because mine is not. |
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12/02/10
Life 5 years ago on this day, December 2nd, was so different. At this same time 5 years ago, we were decorating our tree, hanging our stockings and wondering if we would be a family of 4 before Christmas. We were blissfully ignorant and happy. Who knew that in a few short hours the world as we knew it would stop.
And here we are again 5 years later, decorating the tree and hanging the stockings. We are a family of four but not like we had imagined. We are happy, truly happy, but there is always something missing. She is missing.
I love you Laney Grace. And every day I think I can't possibly miss you more, but the next day comes, and I do. >i< |
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7/26/10
Hi sweet girl
Yesterday one of Lily's friends asked her about the red spot on her arm. She didn't know I was listening and she said "That's Laney's kiss. Laney kissed me on the arm." I am amazed at how much she knows about you Laney. But your name is spoken daily at our house so of course she knows you. She has been talking about you a lot lately. I know she doesn't truly understand but she knows about a precious little girl that's her sister and she really wants to see you. She keeps telling me that she wants to be a butterfly so she can fly up and give you a hug. Makes my heart melt. And when she decided to send her birthday balloons to you all on her own....well that was just precious. She asks me why we can't go see you or why you can't come see us. And there's just not a good answer for a 3 year-old. Actually there isn't a good answer for a 35 year-old. I watch her grow up and do new things every day and I see how much we are missing with you.
I miss you more with every second that passes. I can only imagine how beautiful you must be. I pray you know how much I love you Laney.
I love you to Heaven and back
Mommy
>i< |
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3/8/10
If you read blogs you know that they often have links to other blogs. Last week I was reading Amy's blog and I clicked on one of the links....and then I clicked on one of their links...and on and on. Before I knew it I was reading countless stories of people who had lost children or who were losing children to terrible diseases. I tell myself not to read them but I often don't listen to myself! One in particular has deeply touched me. A little girl named Layla Grace is 2 1/2 and she is dying from neuroblastoma (cancer). I don't mean she's dying in a few months....she is dying now...in days...or maybe even hours. Maybe it's the similarity to Laney's name. Or maybe it's her age and those gorgeous blue eyes that make me think of Lily. Whatever it is I can't stop thinking about this precious little girl. I can't stop thinking about what her parents are going through and I can't stop thinking about her two older sisters who are only 9 and 3 and are hurting deeply themselves. I really feel compelled to ask you to pray for Layla. So if you are reading this please take a moment to pray for her and her family.
Lord we come to you to ask for the healing of Layla Grace. We know that you perform miracles but we also know that it may not be your will to heal Layla but rather to bring her home. It's so very hard to understand why these things happen to our innocent and precious babies but we do know that you have great plans and great purpose for every life. So Lord if you choose not to heal her please just take away her pain. Wrap your arms around her family and give them strength and comfort that only you can give. (and give my sweet girl a hug from me :) We ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen.
http://laylagrace.org/
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