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This memorial website was created in the memory of our beautiful daughter, Laney Grace Wagner, who was born on December 03, 2005 and went to be with Jesus on December 05, 2005 . We will remember her forever.
Please light a candle, so we'll know you've visited!
Watch Laney's Video Montage
 Happy Birthday, Laney Grace!
"I Will Carry You" by Selah
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
[Chorus]
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
Written on February 16, 2006
The story of Laney Grace....where do I even begin? I think I need to start from the very beginning to explain how much we wanted Laney.
Jay and I started dating in high school 14 years ago, and we’ve been together ever since. Wow, that’s a long time! I was only 17, but I always knew I’d marry Jay. We went to college together (War Eagle!!), and were married on September 5, 1998. We moved to Arab, and after a year of marriage, we decided we were ready for children. It took 14 long months to get pregnant, but finally, in January 2001, we learned that we were having a baby! Cody Matthew was born on August 24, 2001. He was absolutely perfect, and the best thing that ever happened to us. When Cody was almost 2, we decided that we wanted another child. So, the long journey began. It took one frustrating year and fertility drugs, but in May 2004, I got pregnant. But 3 days later, we learned that I had an ectopic pregnancy. After a few months, I went back on the fertility medicine and we started some fertility procedures. In October 2004, I got pregnant again. But 3 days later, I had a miscarriage. We waited a few more months, and decided we were ready to see a fertility specialist in April 2005. He scheduled some tests, but we didn’t get the chance to have them done. You see, that month, with no drugs and no procedures, Laney was conceived. She was a miracle baby from the very beginning. We had waited so long, and we were ecstatic. We didn’t tell anyone for a while, because we were so scared from our previous losses. But everything was going perfect, and we were finally able to share the news when I was about 10 weeks pregnant.
Cody was so excited. He said from the very beginning that he was having a sister. On August 9th, we had our ultrasound. Cody was right. We were having a baby girl! My pregnancy went very smoothly until about 24 weeks. Laney had been a very active baby, but one day her movements practically stopped. I went to the doctor, and they said everything was fine. Her heart rate was 150…just perfect. Anyone who knows me will not be surprised that I did a LOT of research on why her movements decreased. One thing I read will haunt me forever. It said, “Sick babies don’t move.” Even though my doctor said she was fine, that stayed with me my entire pregnancy. I want everyone to know that there was no way my doctor could have known of Laney's illness. Even an amnio would not have detected it, because no one had any idea what to look for. He is a wonderful doctor and took great care of all of us. During the rest of my pregnancy, people always tried to feel her move. Especially my sister, Ashley. She poked at Laney all the time! But the only people who ever felt her move were Jay and Cody. She just didn’t move much, and I tried not to worry.
Around 30 weeks, I started to feel like I could go into labor at any time. I remember telling Jay that I was going to go early. It wasn’t that “I’m miserable and I can’t last another day feeling.” It was a “something’s not right feeling.” People always say trust your instincts. Well, my motherly instincts told me my baby was sick.
At 34 weeks, I started having signs of labor. I went to the doctor and I was having contractions and dilated to 2. Dr. Cimino wasn’t worried. I was 34 weeks, so she should be fine, although he hoped I could make it to 36 weeks.
I had a baby shower at work on Friday December 2nd. I was 35 weeks pregnant. I was feeling terrible, and I had been having contractions all day. When I got home, we put up the Christmas tree. I started having some hard contractions, so I sat down to rest. We were supposed to have maternity and Christmas pictures made on Sunday. I remember thinking “I’ve got to make it until Sunday.” You know how I am about my pictures!! We went to bed, but I woke up at 10:45 when my water broke. We were finally going to meet our daughter!
When we got to the hospital, Laney’s heart rate was very low. They found out she was breach, and I would need a c-section. I was a little upset, but would do whatever it took for a healthy baby.
The rest is almost a blur. I remember being in the OR. I remember hearing her beautiful cry. For a moment….just for a short moment, I was happier than I’ve ever been. Unfortunately, that moment was far too short. We immediately learned she was very sick. The doctor said, “Mom, Dad…this baby’s got big problems.” Those words echo in my head every single day. Jay saw her and started crying hysterically. I heard the doctors and nurses crying also. I knew then that my baby would die. The doctor let me see her for a second, and that’s all I remember until the next day.
The next morning, we learned that Laney had a rare genetic skin disease called Harlequin Ichthyosis (HI). There are only about 100 reported cases in the ENTIRE WORLD. It’s an autosomal recessive genetic disease, which means that Jay and I are both carriers, and we both passed on this horrible gene to our beautiful baby girl. She had it from the moment she was conceived, and there was absolutely nothing that could be done. HI makes the skin very hard, and it restricts the baby’s movements. Thus explains the decrease in movement. I told you….mothers always know. She fought so hard to live. Jay says she was stubborn like me! But her fragile little body just wasn’t strong enough. At 11:50 a.m. on December 5th, we said goodbye to our daughter.
We miss her more than words can express. There are holes in our hearts that will never be filled, but I thank God for the two days we had with her. Jay said "She touched more lives in 2 days than I have in 30 years." She certainly did. She was a miracle indeed.
Laney Grace, we love you! Someday, we'll hold you again in Heaven.
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Click here to see Laney Wagner's Family Tree |
 Tributes and Condolences |
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Happy 4th Birthday, Laney Grace! / Darlene (Friend)
Happy 4th Birthday Laney Grace! Two tiny feet Exploring Heaven all around Puppies kitties smiles so sweet Snuggles giggles and love abound! Holding hands with Jesus He leads the way Happy 4th Birthday Laney Grace Hugs and kisses till we see you one d...
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Merry Christmas Laney-Grace / Aunt Ashley
Laney,
Today is such a good day for all the kids. I wish you were here to open presents with all of them but you are in the best place anyone could ask for. We are celebrating Jesus' birthday here by giving to our kids and you ...
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Happy Birthday Laney / Stephanie Hollis (friend)
Happy Birthday Laney Grace and thank you Shannon for challenging us and being my friend.
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What can I give? / Marilyn Wagner (aunt)
Thank you, Shannon, for your challenge today. A line from one of the songs in our Christmas play is "If I give everything as if it were to Him, in my heart I believe Jesus will receive my gift." Whether its money, time, toy...
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Happy 3rd Birthday, Laney Grace! / Darlene
Happy 3rd Birthday, Laney Grace! Two tiny feet, Toddling around Heaven's streets of gold, Laughing, smiling, playing with friends you meet, So happy, so free, so bold! Hand in hand with Jesus, Angels watch with so much love, Happy 3rd Birthday Laney ...
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Happy Birthday / Nana Read >> |
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We put up your tree / Mommy Read >> |
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Thinking about you all / Stephanie Hollis (friend) Read >> |
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Missing you more everyday / Aunt Ashley Read >> |
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My letter to Laney / Aunt Ashley Read >> |
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Wow / Angela Russell Nichols (friend) Read >> |
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Love you / Stephanie Hollis (fellow HI mom ) Read >> |
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Happy 2nd Birthday, Laney Grace! / Darlene Farabee (Friend) Read >> |
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Missing you today / Mommy Read >> |
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Lanye Grace Wagner / Hannah Hudson Read >> |
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| Her legacy |
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7/26/10
Hi sweet girl
Yesterday one of Lily's friends asked her about the red spot on her arm. She didn't know I was listening and she said "That's Laney's kiss. Laney kissed me on the arm." I am amazed at how much she knows about you Laney. But your name is spoken daily at our house so of course she knows you. She has been talking about you a lot lately. I know she doesn't truly understand but she knows about a precious little girl that's her sister and she really wants to see you. She keeps telling me that she wants to be a butterfly so she can fly up and give you a hug. Makes my heart melt. And when she decided to send her birthday balloons to you all on her own....well that was just precious. She asks me why we can't go see you or why you can't come see us. And there's just not a good answer for a 3 year-old. Actually there isn't a good answer for a 35 year-old. I watch her grow up and do new things every day and I see how much we are missing with you.
I miss you more with every second that passes. I can only imagine how beautiful you must be. I pray you know how much I love you Laney.
I love you to Heaven and back
Mommy
>i< |
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3/8/10
If you read blogs you know that they often have links to other blogs. Last week I was reading Amy's blog and I clicked on one of the links....and then I clicked on one of their links...and on and on. Before I knew it I was reading countless stories of people who had lost children or who were losing children to terrible diseases. I tell myself not to read them but I often don't listen to myself! One in particular has deeply touched me. A little girl named Layla Grace is 2 1/2 and she is dying from neuroblastoma (cancer). I don't mean she's dying in a few months....she is dying now...in days...or maybe even hours. Maybe it's the similarity to Laney's name. Or maybe it's her age and those gorgeous blue eyes that make me think of Lily. Whatever it is I can't stop thinking about this precious little girl. I can't stop thinking about what her parents are going through and I can't stop thinking about her two older sisters who are only 9 and 3 and are hurting deeply themselves. I really feel compelled to ask you to pray for Layla. So if you are reading this please take a moment to pray for her and her family.
Lord we come to you to ask for the healing of Layla Grace. We know that you perform miracles but we also know that it may not be your will to heal Layla but rather to bring her home. It's so very hard to understand why these things happen to our innocent and precious babies but we do know that you have great plans and great purpose for every life. So Lord if you choose not to heal her please just take away her pain. Wrap your arms around her family and give them strength and comfort that only you can give. (and give my sweet girl a hug from me :) We ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen.
http://laylagrace.org/
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12/4/09
Another birthday gone by. I managed to keep it together pretty well yesterday. I told Jay I refused to cry. Once it starts it just keeps on coming and I didn't have the strength to deal with it yesterday.
I had lunch with Jay and bought Laney's Christmas ornament for this year. We decorated Laney's tree when I got home and made cupcakes in honor of her birthday. Cody and Lily really enjoyed that though I'm pretty sure they liked the mix more than the actual cupcakes (as evidenced from their faces...or more like their entire bodies). Cody put Laney's angel on top of her tree. That was special.
I was looking at a picture of Laney later last night. It really doesn't show that much but it does show her precious little hands. I've never let Cody see it but he noticed it and I let him look. He was excited to see it.
When I was laying in bed last night the Serenity Prayer just popped into my head.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change those I can
And the wisdom to know the difference "
I remember in those first few months after Laney died I refused to accept that she was gone. As if my not accepting it would change it. But I really think that part of me thought if I didn't accept it and continued to be mad at God He would change it. He would make it a dream and I would wake up and she would be there. I know that was crazy but in the midst of such grief you truly are crazy. Your mind just doesn't work the same. In the minutes after she was born I laid there on that table trying to figure out how to get up and go home so we could come back later and have her again and she would be okay then. I honestly thought that.
But eventually you just get too tired and beat down to continue that fight and you realize that you have no choice but to accept it. And so I did. And I believe God has granted me serenity. My heart still breaks but I have come so far. The pain was so unbearable in the early days. I can't even read my journal from then. I'm glad it's there but I don't want to be reminded of what I was feeling then. I wish it were different. I wish she was here with me. But I accept that she's not. I accept that I can't change it and I am at peace with that.
I love you Laney Grace.
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5/11/09
I miss Laney. Everyone knows that. Still, I really miss her. Mother's Day brings mixed emotions for me. I am grateful beyond words for my two beautiful children here on earth and saddened beyond words for my beautfiul Laney who is not with me.
Cody made this Mother's Day extra special. He'd spent all week at school making crafts for me. He always does that, but this year, he just seemed so proud and sincere when he gave them to me. Lily also made things at daycare. Cody put all of the things Lily made with all of the things he made. Lily slept late on Sunday, but Cody wouldn't give me the gifts until she was awake, too (have I ever mentioned that he is the best big brother ever?). I pulled out all of the homemade cards and items one by one and I savored them. I finally got to the last thing in the bag, and it was a beautiful bracelet that Cody made for me. I put it on immediately, and it just happened to match my outfit. His face just lit up, he was so proud. That was the best Mother's Day present ever! You see, I have been following the story of a little boy who had a brain tumor here in Huntsville. He is seven, just like my Cody. And to make it even more personal, his mother is a NICU nurse. When I saw her picture, I knew that she'd helped take care of Laney. How could she face losing a son when she helps so many babies. But I know that no one is immune to loss. Not even me. Losing one child doesn't mean you won't lose another, and that scares the heck out of me. I followed her blog and prayed daily. Last Monday, I checked the website and learned that he had passed away. All week, I have been thinking of Debbie and her precious Caleb. I can't even fathom what it would be like to live without Cody. So, my heart just breaks for her. It also brings back my own pain and makes it so fresh. So, while I have been missing Laney even more, I have also been loving Cody and Lily even more. Every single day reinforces what I already know. Life is short, so we should savor every single moment. Every moment.
I remember times when I was younger when I would ask my mom what she wanted for different occasions--Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, etc. She always said "I already have everything I need." That was always in combination with a smile and hug. I didn't understand it then. How could you not want a gift?! But I understand now. I already have everything I need--my children, my husband, my family.
Being a mother is the greatest and most rewarding job I could ever have, and I am so grateful that God allowed me to be the mother of three perfect gifts--Cody, Laney and Lily. |
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Happy Birthday to Laney, 12/3/08
Well, today is Laney's 3rd birthday. Strangely enough, I woke up at 1:26 this morning. She was born at 1:30. I felt fine this morning, and then I had that long drive to work. I listened to Christmas music and bawled my eyes out. It's okay, though. I wasn't just sad this morning. I was grateful for her life. Really grateful. It was short, but it was packed with purpose and meaning. And that got me to thinking. Am I making a difference in this world? Am I doing the good that God wants me to? Am I helping to fulfill Laney's purpose here on earth? No, I'm not. So, I thought "what if we all do something nice today in honor of Laney's birthday?" I know it's short notice, but I'm not talking about feeding a country or something like that. Just a simple little something that would make someone's day better. I brought doughnuts to work. Our office loves doughnuts. It made me smile seeing everyone flock to them like they hadn't eaten in weeks! You can't really blame them....they were "hot, now" from Krispy Kreme. So, I challenge each of you to do some random act of kindness. Donate to a charity, send someone a special note, buy a toy for toy's for tots, buy someone's lunch, tell someone you love them and appreciate them....the possibilities are endless. Let's celebrate Laney's life today!
I miss you Laney-bug. Your memory lives on, and your precious little spirit continues to touch this earth. Butterfly kisses and squeeze hugs. |
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| Laney's Photo Album |
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| Laney's footprints. Can't tell from the pic, but they are barely an inch long! |
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